I've been a full-time stay at home mom and homemaker for 2 and a half years now. I don't think I'm an expert yet in this new life, but I've learned some things over the last two years. If you are a new mom who is new to staying home full time, or thinking of staying home full time and raising your children, I hope the things I share today will be helpful to you, and help you thrive.
When I first became a full-time stay at home mom, I struggled. I think this true for many moms, becoming a mom in general is a big transition in life. Before I even had children, I knew should I have the opportunity to be a mother, I would want to be a stay at home mom. It was conversation my husband and I had even before we got married. However, I soon found out that the reality of being a full time stay at home mom was different than what I had imagined. My first piece of advice to you new mama? Accept your new reality.
#1: Accept Your New Reality
I was not prepared for the full reality of what life would look like, especially with small babies. I was not ready for how extremely tired I would be taking care of a new born. I was not prepared to have a very clingy baby would scream anytime I put her down. I was not prepared for the challenges of breastfeeding, and having a baby on me ALL THE TIME. I was not prepared to not have any control any more of time. Things I would plan to do I simply couldn't do because I was either tired and trying to catch up on some rest, or I was holding and rocking baby, trying desperately to soothe her. During this time, I found myself taking many walks throughout our neighborhood because my daughter loved walks, and would settle down, and not cry (or scream) while I walked with her in the baby carrier. Life with a new born forced me to stop. Stop planning, stop trying to have things go my way, or the day go my way. This time in my life, I had to accept that my baby was my first priority.
Life for me at this time just slowed way down. At first, I was frustrated. Angry even. And I struggled with depression and loneliness for much of the first year. My picture perfect dream of having a perfectly clean house, and beautifully cooked meals on the table, and a cute smiling baby who was always happy and content, came crashing down. Reality hit me like a sack of bricks. I had to let go of control
During this time, I drew closer to God in ways I hadn't done before. I realized that my assignment at this time was to just be present. So I had to accept the reality that was before me. Very quickly I realized that I couldn't always control my baby, but I could choose to control my emotions, and my reactions. I chose to be joyful mom.
#2: Get outside everyday
My life prior to being a SAHM involved me getting out of the house everyday. The act of waking up and and having somewhere to go brought a lot of structure to my life. I went to work and before I was a working woman, I was a college student. I never found myself at home for long periods of time without having to be somewhere. When I had my first child, for the first time in my life I didn't need to be anywhere outside my home. This was fun at first, but eventually, I realized I really needed to get out, get fresh air and have at least one adult conversation.
Since my baby liked walks, we walked around the neighborhood a lot, and at local parks. In the process, I met another woman in my neighborhood who had a son around my daughter's age, so we walked together and talked. This was so helpful and fun! Try to find a walking buddy whom you can walk with regularly.
Later on, I discovered that my local library had weekly story times for kids (especially for toddlers and babies!)! So going to the library every week became our habit.
Going to church became even more important to me after I became a SAHM. It became an anchor for my week. A place I could be nourished spiritually and socially.
Over time, I made new friends (my own friends that I had didn't have kids and had full time jobs, so they unfortunately could not me at the park on a Wednesday morning at 11am.), and found community in this new stage in life. If you are a new mom, struggling with loneliness, try and get out everyday. Go for a walk, visit the library, and if you don't have one, find a church where you can grow spiritually and meet new friends.
#3: Eat Well
The importance of eating well as a SAHM is something I don't hear talked about so much. But often times we as mothers and homemakers get so caught up in taking care of small children and trying to keep the house in order that we forget ourselves, even forgetting to eat a good meal. This affects our mood (because I know you're already tired so being hungry just makes you feel worse, and maybe a little angry), your overall health, and if you're breastfeeding, your milk supply. The policy in my house is no matter what, mama will eat a good breakfast, lunch and dinner.
#4: Create Pockets of Space for Yourself
This point goes well with tip #3, try to make space for your self and doing things that make you happy. The basics like eating well and taking a shower are just the minimum. Take up a hobby, or read a book that you like. Even if it's just for 15 minutes a day, doing something just for you that you like doing can make you feel more fulfilled.
#5: Ask for Help
I hate to break it to you, but you are in fact NOT superwoman. The demands of being a SAHM are A LOT. Taking care of a home, children, meals, laundry, grocery shopping, making time for your marriage, yourself, and the list can go on and on. You don't have to do it by yourself. Ask for help. In fact, demand it. I personally believe that homemaking and parenting are a two person job. In my house, laundry, childcare, dishes, and all the things of that need to be done are taken care of by me AND my husband.
If you have family or friends around you, be vocal about the support you may need, especially if you've got littles. Pay for help if can. During my last pregnancy, my third trimester was hard, and I was in a lot of pain. I couldn't do much physically so I paid for house cleaners for a few weeks. This allowed me to have more rest, and devote the little energy I did have to my toddler.
#6: Soak in your Children
Being a full time mother and homemaker can be demanding. It is easy to over focus (and be overwhelmed by) all the things that need to be done around your home.
But, let me just encourage you to stop sometimes, and soak in your children. We get the honor to be there for them always.
Snuggle with them,
Read another book,
Sing songs out loud while baking together,
Rock the baby a little while longer
Kiss the boo boo
and just soak it all in because one day, they'll be in college!
I hope this blog post is helpful to you. And don't worry mama, you got this. You'll find your own unique way.
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